There are so many things that are happening around me which i don't exactly know of. Sometimes, i feel that my subconscious mind is playing games with me. I feel confused at times, like i don't really know what is going on. Maybe its cos im into my 4hours sleep routine again and im just a blur zombie walking around in school, maybe its cos im too ignorant, maybe its just cos im too self-centered. Am I? i feel so, im self-conscious, im selfish, im just plain mean. i try to be sincere, i try to care for others with my heart, but i end up doing it with my mind. i don't feel the concern for others, i just do it cos that's what im suppose to be doing, and that's what everyone expects.

sometimes, i think people treat me too well. there are so many who treat me as their good friend and sometimes i have horrible thoughts of them, and so many comments that i just wanna throw at their faces. yet, i have to keep it to myself cos i don't wanna be the outcast, i don't wanna be hated, i don't wanna be alone. everyone thinks that im nice, that im friendly and a trustworthy friend. sometimes, even i don't trust myself. i don't even think im nice. i don't like the fake person taking this soul.

i don't want to die. i just want to really find out what i was, what i am, and what i want to be. i am what i was, and i still am that person. i have no idea what i want to be, or how im going to be like. i just know that if anyone ever finds out the real me, i will surely walk this world alone.

do you still like who i am?